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Things you DON'T want to hear your Master say when you are naked and tied up!

#1: "Um, I *think* I have another key around here somewhere..."

#2: "Oops."

#3: "Um. You didn't *really* need that, did you?"

#4: "Which end of this thing am I supposed to put in there?"

#5: "Don't worry. I'm sure there's a locksmith somewhere that's open at 2AM..."

#6: "I promised not to do any permanent damage - but you know, hair grows back."

#7: "Oops. I *thought* that was the lube."

#8: "Uh oh. If that's the KY tube, what did I just put up your....."

#9: "Did I mention we're on camera and this is going on my interactive website?"

#10 "Safeword? Um, what's a safeword?"

#11 "And this is my German Shepherd, Ralph. I know you'll just love Ralph."

#12 "Oh fuck. You *can* untie yourself from up there, right?"

#13 "Oh shit. You do know CPR, don't you?"

#14 "Heh heh heh. You didn't tell anybody else you were coming here, did you?"

#15 "I do too know what I'm doing. I've read five whole Gor novels!"

#16 "Now, where DID I put that extra attachment for the chainsaw?"

#17 "Uh oh. If this is the tube of Superglue, where's the KY?"

#18 "Did I ever mention that little fantasy I have about the tennis balls?"

#19 "Lie very, very still and keep your body temperature low. It turns me on."

#20 "Oh, um, hello, Officer."

#21 "My real name? It's Bates. By the way, I'd like you to meet Mother."

#22 "No, really. Trust me. I saw this work in a movie once."

#23 "You *said* you could service my pussy.....c'mere, Fluffy."

#24 "You like my straitjacket? Cool; I'm glad they let me keep it."

#25 "Phn'glui mgwlnath Cthulu R'lyeh."

#26 "I did mention I was a devout worshipper of Huitzilopochtli, didn't I?"

#27 "I did mention I was a devout worshipper of Kali-Ma, didn't I?"

#28 "Oh mighty Azathoth, accept this sacrifice I offer to You...."

#29 "I'm sorry. Are the voices in my head bothering you?"

#30 "Groovy. This crop leaves colored trails in the air when I swing it."

#31 "Well golly gee! This is more fun than pullin' the wings off-a butterflies!"

#32 "Dang it, this is more fun than settin' cats on fire!"

#33 "You don't need a safeword; I'm psychic. My spirit guides tell me what to do."

#34 "You don't need a safeword; it's groovy. I'll just watch your mood ring."

#35 "Oh, um, hi Mom. We were just, um, uh....."

#36 "I'm not crazy. Yes I am. Shut up, all of you."

#37 "Um, I forgot - which one of us was supposed to be the dom?"

#38 "Heh heh. Look, Beavis, a tied up naked chick. Now what do we do?"

#39 "I'm not really a mad scientist. I just want to see what happens."

#40 "I promised no permanent marks, but I bet I can sew that back on."

#41 "You don't need a safeword; I'm a True Master. I've read ALL the Gor books!"

#42 "You don't need safewords; I'm a True Mistress. I have WEEKS of experience."

#43 "I don't use safewords; I'm Betazoid. I look human so They won't get me. Shh."

#44 "Uh oh. I think it's stuck there."

#45 "I always keep the speculum in the freezer. It's more fun that way."

#46 "If it doesn't fit, it just need more Crisco. Where did I put that football?"

#47 "Don't worry if your hands go numb. You won't be needing those."

#48 "Did I mention my crucifixion fetish? Now, where did I put those nails..."

#49 "No one understands me. That's why I killed her."

#50 "Bye. I'm taking off for the weekend. Isn't suspension bondage fun?"

#51 "Oops. It escaped. I think I see it slithering off in the corner."

#52 "Darn it, where DID my pet tarantula get to?"

#53 "Did I mention I'm a narcoleptic?"

#54 "You know, the Marquis de Sade was a pansy."